Who is a teacher who has influenced you greatly, and why? What do you need from your peers to be successful? What are your learning pet peeves? Students can also craft their own questions to ask each other. Restorative justice is a traditional use of circles. After conflicts or other difficult situations, you can ask: What happened? Why did it happen? Who was affected, and how? How do we repair the wrongs? A related use of circles is caring for students in moments of stress or trauma.
After a heartbreaking flare-up of gang violence in our city, my students and I wept together in circle, answering questions like: What makes you feel afraid? What makes you feel safe? What do you need? How can we move the community forward? Circles can serve academic purposes as well. And with that, I was done. Self-centered people make it near impossible for everyone to be centered in their onlyness; they suck all the energy towards themselves.
I had offered to help a professional friend to give a signature talk based on her onlyness. I shared with her how I had a 3 step process that worked and kept it manageable for me. I wanted out. But she wanted me to continue.
I kept going for a while but finally, it was becoming egregious. Finally, I said I had to stop. As in STOP. Now I wish I had managed it better, but, well , I did the best I could at the time. Four months after all this went down, she wrote to me. But she was right. And then she continued to chastise me. A project started out with good intentions, but it quickly became something different. But by their defensive posture, they keep their emotional needs centered, and choose not to solve the problem being raised.
This shifts your role involuntarily from partner and peer to being the one with the problem. By their response, they have changed your role at the table, and decentered what needs attention. Recently, some private texts I had shared with one person were shared with a large listserv.
It was clearly against the rules. And, at first, there might have been some question if I had given permission for the texts to be shared. So I clarified that it was a violation. And so I left. And by having to ask and still be denied, I learned I mattered less than others, less than the money they earned by keeping that other person. These are always weird human moments in any relationship.
Mistakes are made. Boundaries are crossed. Negotiations of interests. Then we have to figure out where we caused hurt and how to repair the social fabric. These stories point to what has taken me a long time to understand: you need to create a circle of trust in which you can grow and feel supported.
So do your ideas. Also, to be intentional about what you accept. We sheepishly raises hand sometimes accept conditions that deprive us of what we need. And it takes intentionally to create a social space that works. And we need to do this; because we are shaped by the people we let close.
We deserve people who want to work with us in a way that works for us. And to have other people protect your interests; not because you insist on it, but because they want to create a social space where we can all thrive.
The other day, I met someone who was new to the idea of Onlyness and she first equated it to branding. You do not want to relate in subordination to others like the self-centered, do it their way, or always right person demands.
You do not want to relate in a dysfunctional construct as defensive and unprotected relations create. You want to relate as yourself. When we can ask for and build relationships that are mutual, enabling, safe, we can also build the constructs that let us be fully ourselves.
And bring our fullest ideas forward. This draft list is not meant to impose the social structures that work for me to work for you. Circle Three is typically the circle with the largest number of individuals within it. Some individuals who later figure in Circles One and Two will often have been encountered first within Circle Three.
Doctors, teachers, dentists, social workers, therapists, hairdressers, car mechanics and the like make up the numbers here.
They are paid by us or our caregivers to provide us with services. Notice that there is a taboo in Western society that discourages the people who make up this circle from moving any closer in relationship to the person at the centre. The individuals in this circle also have their own agenda as far as the focus person is concerned and it may not always be the agenda the focus person would have chosen.
Appointment times, caseload management, agency policies, resource availability and promotion prospects set the terms of the relationship with the focus person. Friends and family: past, present and future…Some of the most important people in our lives are no longer present with us on a day to day basis.
They may live a long way away, rarely be seen or indeed may actually be dead. Present or absent friends and family members continue to play a critical support role in our lives and act as anchors for us as we take risks in our daily lives. They build our self esteem and are constant internal reference points. These reference points can guide or they can limit, disturb or distort our experiences. Past experience of abuse, loss, separation or rejection may haunt our waking lives and unconscious fears.
We may rerun old videos of past relationships in which key people cross in front of our internal eyes and powerful emotions are played out. Still images in sepia, grainy icons of the past may be current reference points within our circle of living and dead supporters and friends. Our circles of support change over time. Today they may appear extremely full while tomorrow we can feel terribly alone and exposed, experiencing loss, isolation, anxieties or depression.
This perspective although focused primarily on children provides lessons for us all. We all need friends, allies, and associates to surround and support us through life. Our families whilst important will never be entirely sufficient if we are to reach out and extend our human potential and experience.
Website designed by Choose Purple Ltd. Circle of Friends What is a Circle of Friends? My Account Basket Checkout. What is a Circle of Friends? Who Is Circles of Friends For? Lovett p. Circles of Relationships Figure One takes a wider look at these relationships. Circles of Support are for Life Friends and family: past, present and future…Some of the most important people in our lives are no longer present with us on a day to day basis.
Aims of this Book To provide a highly accessible resource that is both practical and meaningful For users of this resource to be able to set up Circles of Friends feeling they have sufficient support and guidance To inspire and encourage interest in creative approaches to the involvement of children in the inclusion of vulnerable and challenging peers To provide tool that can reverse pressures to exclude and segregate an individual from their school community To strengthen the processes which help create and maintain school communities of acceptance to which children truly belong.
All of them. What Differences will it make? We hope and dream that the successful use of this resource will lead to the following: Disabled and challenging pupils will be successfully included in mainstream schools Head, teachers, SENCOs, parents and support assistants will feel they have an approach which actually works; increasing friendship opportunities, helping individuals to belong and which decreases behaviour difficulties Pupils will feel valued and involved in the support of other pupils that they know are finding school life difficult.
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